Survival of a Filmmaker

“Pulling focus” or “rack focusing” refers to the act of changing the lens’s focus distance setting in correspondence to a moving subject’s physical distance from the focal plane, or the changing distance between a stationary object and a moving camera.

Dream. Think. Write. Edit. Write again. Submit. Refused. Doom. Repeat.

So you have an idea and it starts shaping in your head. You start writing, you think about structure and character development, about dilemmas and conflicts, about happy ends. You submit, you hit the deadline. The project is rejected. Some sloppy comments are made which briefly let you wonder if the jury read it thoroughly. You remind yourself that many great ideas have been rejected.

Like J.K. Rowling. And look at her now. Millionaire. Bam, 567 rejections later.

You continue to work on the script, a thought creeps in that you are losing heart for this.

Another idea comes up, a really really good one. This time you write with other screenwriters. The other screenwriters are not that invested and let you wait forever for their work. You cancel the collaboration. You continue to write. You send it in to the producer, he says he sees what you want to do, but it is not his thing. Too TV. Fair enough. Maybe you should write a rom com, that’s what you can and should do. How do they know?

You don’t submit for funding, because you felt insecure and maybe the project wasn’t ready. Or maybe it was and you weren’t?

You work with another screenwriter on their script. It flows better. It is so much easier when it’s not personal. You are asked to be in a writers’ room series, but pay negotiations with the head writer take so long, summer has ended and we have to wake up the dude from Green Day.

Finally you get an idea which excites you so much, that you write the script in one go. You could shoot it yourself, because everything that counts is the idea and how it is acted out. No need for fancy lightning, you just want to get the story out, which is funny and heartwarming and comfortable in all its glorious oddness. And you tell yourself, that you are so convinced about this idea, you don’t need any approval from anybody for this. Which might be true for this project. But not for the others and not in general.

That is what I learned these passed months. I had to acknowledge some hard-won truths. 1. I was too lazy. Not in my every day work, not in my ambition. I was lazy to chill out on my credits I already had and thought they were enough. They are not. 2. I forgot to be humble. Humble in my meager abilities and that one should never stop wanting to get better. Not in recognition. Not in funding. But better in the craft itself.

If people don’t understand your treatment or your pitch, it is not because they are not intelligent enough to understand it, it is because it is not clear. Muddiness is the worst foe of storytelling. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to change the story, it means you should learn to present it differently.

Work on the treatment, get into workshops, talk to other screenwriters, don’t take it personal if the script is not liked in its entity. A good screenwriter/scriptdoctor is able to tell you the difference what he doesn’t like personally about the script and what simply doesn’t work for the story. Get out and get better.

It is undeniable that screenwriting is only for the toughest, for the ones that are able to pick up their shattered heart and glue it together. That’s something. You’re doing great. Don’t lose heart. It is what it is.

It is nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says love

It is calamity
says calculation
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It is hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says love

It is ludicrous
says pride
It is foolish
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love

Erich Fried, 1983

Write. Learn. Work on writing. Learn some more. Dream. Submit. Repeat.